Family Recovery Stories > Wife > Kim
Hi I am 43 years old and I was married to addict for 20 years. I found out that my husband was abusing substances the first week I was married. After many promises and lies for years about quitting I began to accept that this was the trial I would have to deal with. We had many wonderful years of marriage and 4 beautiful children that we were blessed with. The last few years of my marriage my husband quit his substance addiction but then moved over to an extra-marital affair. He felt so bad about his choices and couldn’t stop his bad habits that he starting using heavy drugs to help with his guilt and pain.
My husband checked in to an in-patient rehabilitation program and I took my two oldest kids who were 14 and 12 at the time to attend the family support meetings there at the Rehab facility. I was trying to keep the house and four young kids afloat and so I started going to counseling and many 12 step programs through the LDS church. I became as educated as I could and received all the help I could from these programs. I found it useful attending the family support meetings and ultimately learning how to heal through Christ. As I worked the program I began taking control of my life and accept that no matter what I do it will not change my husbands choices about addiction. He has his agency and has for 20 years and if and when he decides to get better is up to him.
It took my complete trust in God to know that no matter what he decides is best for me and my kids that I have to be happy with it. Whether I stay married or get divorced that I know Heavenly Father knows me so well that he can make that choice for me because he wants me to be happy in life and he knows exactly what is ahead of us. In the family support book for the 12 step program it reads "We decide to trust that God’s way can and will work. We become willing to "place ourselves in a position in which, no matter what happens in our lives, we can trust that we will be guided and cared for. "we are no longer in charge. By placing ourselves in the care of ...God, we put ourselves in much more capable hands." This was so valuable because for so many years I really wanted heavenly father to follow my plan and save my marriage and fix my husbands addiction but I wasn’t capable of that.
I can honestly say that as I have gone through this process and made the decision to get divorced that I knew that this was what the Lord wanted me to do to help protect me and my children. It has been almost 2 years since the divorce and I wake up every day so happy and so thankful for such a loving Heavenly Father for blessing me and my children. It hasn’t been easy but it is made possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. He helps me with the daily challenges of raising four kids on my own and gives me the strength and knowledge to overcome many obstacles. Although my ex husband continues to do things that effect myself and my children I continue to trust in God that he will help me and guide me each day.
I know that if we all work these amazing 12 steps that we will all find the happiness and peace that we are all looking for and that our heavenly father wants for each one of us.